Questions

Earlier today I asked this man to be interviewed. He immediately rejected me and walked away with a tiny floral hammer in his hand. Now, he is back and asking for an interview.

Too much has already happened between us, I'm scared.

Jeff, how was your day today
I'll answer that question with another question...(Dad, just came in to ask if I used his iPad charger. I did not, but Jeff did. He then gave him directions to find it...we are back) lot's of typing for that one sentence, I see you are becoming a part of the liberal media.


Breaking News: Apparently I did you use Dad's charger....he even found my iPod hooked up to it...a little uncomfortable for me
What about that question you were going to ask me?

no. That was my answer (giggles....heard me type the word "giggles" giggles more...then directed me to write "giggles more" and then directed me to write that he directed me) Nods in approval (he literally said that)

Okay Jeff "[ question ]number 2, or 3, if you considered that question a question" if a hippopotamus and Joanna were hanging off a cliff, who would you feed and why?
Okay now I will use the question I was going to use for the other question. What is the circumfrence (I'm having a lot of trouble spelling that, Jason can look at this and fix it for me) of the earth?

Why are you asking me questions in this interview?
(he just got really close to me) Ask yourself that question....inteview over


He defiantly walked away to the couch and looked out in the backyard. This interview was an interesting pick. At least he wasn't like Justin who tried to suggest that I pay him 15 dollars to interview him. Interesting subject, I feel...different....more uncomfortable than usual..

Honesty.

As she draws her 2nd picture to her ladybug story. The skilled author and artist, Marie, is about to be ambushed by a series of excellent questions. (She is 6 years old)

Marie, "what" what do you want to be when you grow up?
I don't know. (Jackie tried to help her with choices, she continued answer "I don't know")

Breaking News: Marie just noticed me typing this, she keeps asking what am I doing...I don't know how to respond...I'm scared. i


Marie, if you could be any princess, who would you be and why?
I'm not telling. Besides, I don't know what that means.

Marie, do you know the muffin man?
Yes.

Marie, who is the muffin man?
I'm not telling you.

Marie, do you like me?
silence.....she then got up and left and told on me to Jeff....


Well. I guess this interview is over, along with my self-confidence.

Never

I offered Justin an interview and these were the conditions:
1)he would type it
2)he would ask the questions
3)I would have to pay him 15 dollars


Immediate answer was no.

Number One Critic

As he sits on the floor, fear has just entered his eyes "are you preparing to interview me?" He then puts the play jumprope behind his head "is this really how it goes? This is a disaster waiting to happen." His son his hitting himself with a water bottle, clearly got all his traits from Jason Hebert.
Do you think your son Josh is going to be smarter than you?
Is this one of the questions? I know he will be smarter than you....or already is
What is your favorite thing about me?
**thinking a long time** how you were before this blog.
My mom just walked into the room to demostrate her pancake batter in a squirt bottle (she is very proud)Jason was a little scared.
If you could be any superhero, that is not cliche, who would be and why?
I would be blog-non blog man,  and I would right all the wrong grammar on your page....and by right I mean r-i-g-h-t (little does he know, I got all 100's on every spelling test in elementary school and was the last standing third grader in the spelling bee. Thank you very much.)
How do you feel that all your kids are really smart because of Mel and definitely not you?
We share the same gene pool? (he means as in me and him, not Mel, that would be weird)
How does it feel to be my number one follower?
hmmm, does the phrase "swift kick to the gut mean anything to you?" (honestly, it really doesn't. I'm trying to understand)oh, and I am not the number one follower.
What do you want your future readers to know about you?
Taking a long time to process the question, pity him, he is a slow thinker That I don't consider them to be my future readers, but the future readers of this website...grammatically correct.

Criticism

As he casually strums the guitar while watching the girls talk about middle school volleyball. Sal , casually looks over at me "that's the second time she's said 'casually....third time" "how dumb are the questions?" Little does he know, that my questions come from a very creative mind. My own mind. Sal just tried to turn the interview around on me. NOT SUCCESSFUL. "Julie the interview is about you, every time"- Joanna. (Joanna has managed to get into 4 out of my 5 interviews. ) "I wasn't there for the first one.Everyone is talking about ---"no one is talking Julie"...okay, this isn't making sense. I'm sorry. Also, I'm sorry for every grammatical error going on in this blog. In all honesty, I don't really care.Sal is singing right now, but I will start this interview in a few minutes.....
Sal, why do you think I am a bad interviewer?
I think it's been like 5 minutes without a single question from you
What made you play the classical guitar?
How serious am I supposed to take this? [Idiot factory(Kimee,Jackie,Joanna) says, "not at all"]
If you were an elf, what type of elf---
I'd be Legolas, you can't get around that (He then continued to talk about his man crush on Legolas...huge man crush)
If I could be any type of food, what would I be, and why?
"Waffle fries, one of the brown crispy ones nobody wants"-Joanna and Jackie (Kimee's favorite type of french fry, he also never explained why)i
Why am I getting a friend request right now?
Isn't facebook personal? ( I had just said I wasn't a personal person)
What do you look for in an icecream cone?
First of all ice cream, right consistency between not a hard shell you can't chew on and not soft enough to make it soggy (I looked away). I'm not done;furthermore, you need something that can hold ice cream in it, because if it's too thin then it falls  out everywhere and ice cream is all over your hands. It also good if it has flavors on it like chocolate, chocolate is good, all in all I prefer a cup than a cone....am I getting paid for this?
What do you want your future readers to know about you?
Aren't they your future readers?




Yes, they are my future readers and Sal was the only one to realize this. Everyone else below is full of themselves and want the spotlight. Awful.

Bouncy Ball Emperor

As she has one earphone listening to "booty bumping" music...fear has just struck face. She heard me talking about her..."what are you talking about?" She just asked if I do this on word document "...and it's booty beats...get it right" Nikki has come to study with me and Jackie, but she had to swear to Jackie that she wouldn't talk....."I did not swear"
"Now you really make me want to stop talking"
Nikki, what are your expectations for tonight?
not expectations, but my goals are to get these program notes done
::Breaking News:::
Joanna has just come by and has complained that we didn't save her a seat even though she left go watch the Bieber movie. Just realized I was interviewing Nikki "oh this is going to be awesome"
wait you're interviewing normal people? so I'm normal? okay great!!
What do you think of Jackie as a friend?
She is awesome and she makes me feel funny because she laughs at everything I say. She would be even more awesome if she came to Soccer Sundays instead of napping through my phone calls
What do you really think of Jackie as a friend?
she would be even more awesome if she went to Soccer Sundays
Nikkie is currently talking to a friend and Joanna is singing "Never Say Never" by Justin Bieber
Do you feel creepy when you expect Jaden Smith to be attractive in the future years?
dude...have you seen Justin Bieber?
What is your favorite thing about me?
That you have a blog and I want to see it, so you need to post it online
What is your favorite pastry and why?
pastry....are cookies pastries? oh I do like cake....and juicy brownies
What do you want your future readers to know about you?
That I have a 131 bouncy ball collection....I have Spongebob one....Patrick one....one with a eyeball in it....tons of glitter ones....I really want to let them out in  a racquetball room or down the stairs but I don't want to lose any of them

::Breaking News::
Jackie has been begging Joanna to feel the "worminess" of her sour gummy worm. Joanna refuses. Interview will come later. 

lame.

Joanna is currently trying to make herself fall asleep but cannot. I set my place and got ready to interview, "I have to wake up tomorrow morning"....so I walk out..."....wait, I still want to be interviewed" I tried to interview her from the living room but then the shower turned on and she doesn't feel like yelling. Back in dark room. "Fire away captain." Keep in mind, she is laying down in her bed trying to sleep

Why do you have to wake up tomorrow morning?

I am exercising, doing homework,right after that homework-doing experience(I really don't know what that means), and I am going to shower which my hair takes a long time to dry....that is the reality of my life.

How would you describe your hair in 2 letters?

...no response 

( I started to type the paragraph above)...what could you possibly be typing?

How would you describe a dream?

.....anything that doesn't involve you in it, otherwise it would be a nightmare

(she then confirmed that she was kidding and she loves me)

What are your expectations of this blog?

hmm....refer to all other expectations thus far

What are your expectations my life?

grunts, for some reason when you said that I imagined you in a banana suit jumping around with some poster....sooo something in my subconscious says low

If you could own any pet bird, what would it be and why?

another grunt, the largest eagle that could carry the largest weight, that way it can pick you up with its talons take you to its nest and feed you to its young

What is the longest wait of your life?

yes. 

"Julie...I don't want you take this offensively.....if I Febreze I don't want you to take this offensively."-Jackie

What do you want your future readers to know about you?

hmmm that I'm tired.

Diversity Day...and a half

As he places his hand on his mental eminence(just learned this term in Anthropology 225) and gazes at the HP Laptop, David sets up for his interview for supporting at least half of Diversity Day. He has just suggested a CD Album cover for Jackie...a picture of a monkey. He started to giggle a little at a picture of a cartoon dog with a unibrow. Let's have some background information on David. All I know is that he is half-mexican and my "number one nug fo' life"....I have to obviously glance over to my right multiple times, so he must know I am looking at him....this could get weird so I better start.

David, "Yo" what inspired you to make Jackie's album cover?
Well, I didn't want to write my O-Chem lab, so I want to put my artist talents to work....except I don't know what artist talents I have because my art teacher told me I draw like a first grader....
"That's so mean!"-Joanna(she then said I was mean for writing this)
What is your favorite color of pants?
That's a tough one...because I haven't worn the gold ones yet....I'm partial to the blue ones because they aren't the electric blue color but more of a dark blue. However, I believe I am the only one that wears pink pants at St. Marys and one day a girl will see them and be like "hey I like his pants...I like this guy"
If you could ask yourself one question what would it be and why?
Probably...how do you see yourself? because do you ever realize you can never actually see yourself, so what do people see when they see me? Touche David.
Jackie just held up swatches of paper and asked "Which one from far away?" David replied "This one" and pointed to himself.He is now modeling his flared nostrils. We love David. "Where's Halbouty?(sounds like Hal-booty)"
What would your album title be?
Non-romantic,romantic songs for an evening of unanticipated laughter
 Where am I going in life?
want to see my grades in high school? 
-5 minutes later-(he had really good grades!)
Well, after advancing up the managerial chain of Laynes and discovering the healthiest way of frying chicken, you will publish a book that will claim to have fried chicken that will help people lose 37.533 lbs.Paula Dean will sue you, because she doesn't like people surpassing her and you will become more famous than your NFL brother. You will publish a book called"Fried Chicken More Famous Than the NFL" and then it will be on the Best Seller list for 93 weeks and you will start a record label called Jackie Records. Jackie will be so hyped up, but her CD won't sell because she can't decide on an album picture. She will end up with a picture of herself and a monkey and it won't sell.....I still think she should go with the monkey.
What do you want your future readers to know about you?
I'm not as girl crazy as I seem. I'm just over-appreciative with God's creation.I just want a girl to talk about the Houston Astros with....(Jackie"you love getting asked these questions" David"no I really don't")and then I will be a doctor and start a practice....also, I like to bowl and I take pride in the fact that I can curve a ball. Also, I'm not very good on a swipe keyboard(type of texting)...but I still use it anyways. That....oh I can't believe they have Words With Friends with Android...yess... Last but not least, ....pause...oh, and I'm not very athletic, but that's okay. Oh and I'm working on converting my GPA into my 40 yard dash time. 


He is now singing Bowling for Soup lyrics.

Diversity Day

As she studiously turns the page-she just heard me- and is starting to laugh uncontrollably. "When's my interview" says Joanna, eagerly waiting to be on the spotlight. Today I am supporting diversity with my Filipino friend, Kimee..."did you spell it right" I did....but I forgot to capitalize the "f" so the little red squiggly thing came under it. Don't worry Jason, I fixed it as you can tell. She is starting to sing the wrong line of the song. It's time to start so she doesn't hurt herself anymore.

Kimee, what do you believe will help our society become more efficient?

::::Breaking News::::::

I already forgot it was diversity day and I was just reminded by Joanna who secretly wants to be my editor/partner in this project. "Julie I would drop out of school and work at McDonald's before I help you"-Joanna

Kimee has finally found the answer to the question: eliminate Joanna(frown) so I can focus more on my schoolwork and not get distracted by her gawking at others that walk in...Jackie don't eat that, you don't exist anymore. (the last part was because Jackie eagerly grabbed the bag of donuts)

-Interview has paused....cannot explain....too many things going on. Joanna thinks she will wins millions of dollars in Vegas by flipping a coin. This whole time I was too focused on the maple donut I just ate.Interview continued

Kimee why is diversity day important to you?

I feel like we are the foundation of America, without there would not be 13 colonies, no 50 stars, our colors would be obnoxious and be like....baby pink, light blue, and "fuscia"(David)...I mean look at the Statue of Liberty she's not even white (we know it's made out of copper, just let it be....)

What do you look for in a man?

Half mexican/half white, half parabolic nose, buzz cut, fancies lime green shorts....talk dark and handsome...and if they have light up shoes-that's a bonus(she is explaining our friend David "I just shaved"...David doesn't have light-up shoes....yet)

If you could relate me to one animal what it would be and why?

before Kimee could even answer I got three immediate responses of "sloth"

snail:soft on the inside, hard on the outside, and you always manage to leave a weird trail...then commented on my weird eyeball action and related it to snails

just so you know...I have been scarred for life every since the episode of Spongebob when he turned into a snail. I want to die every time I think about it.

What do you want your future readers to know about you?

"oh I'm so dumb"- Joanna

ask me anything about the anatomy of the human body....except the muscles (said in hasty manner)...haven't gotten there yet. All bones are game though.

2nd attempt

Interview with Mallory: I just mumbled this and her ears perked up as she is chewing on "Flipz" the best chocolate covered pretzels in the world. Since my first subject was completely awful, I don't have high expectations on this...she heard this...she is a little bit offended. She just ate another pretzel..."it was a carrot" she says in sassy manner.
What are you expectations about this blog?
-my expectations are extremely high and this will produce billions of followers, which will make me famous....no one will remember Julie....
:::::::::::Breaking News::::::
Our friend Kassie just walked in she said "what's up" I said "good"....weird moment.
What is so special about the person you were just texting
- probably nothing...but relative to you....EVERYTHING
Explain the experience you just had with that water bottle
-my every move is being watched...judged....80 times over.
What is the coolest thing my life?
-raises eyebrow- "me"
What is the coolest thing in your life?
-me . (said in positive manner)
What is your favorite fruit and why
-grapes, I can throw them up and catch them in my mouth
Why don't we ever want to study
"because studying suuucks" (said from Kassie) Mallory: I already behold immense amounts of knowledge and this level of information is beneath me (she is studying for an Oceanography test)
::::more breaking news::::
Mallory plans to start her test with excessive throat punching, knee cap slicing, and maybe some decapitation. Kassie doesn't want to be friends with her...."with us"...her...."us". Kassie just confirmed it, she doesn't want to be friends with Mallory and just claimed she has better pretzels. Tensions is just bouncing off the wall, this is the greatest verbal boxing match I have ever seen.
What do you want your future readers to know about you?
-I would just like them to realize, that I'm just like them...only prettier. (don't think she came up with this on her own....totally quoted Miranda Lambert"

Bad Start.

This is my first interview of  a normal person: As she casually sits back in the pompuson...she is coaching how to spell it, papason....nope. Just googled it, it's papasan. Already getting negative feeback "Julie, no one is going to read this." Maybe- "don't have high hopes", I can't even finish my own thought without being shot down to the ground. Okay so maybe this was a bad idea, I don't really care, I'm going to interview my first subject, my sister Jackie. I am interviewing her because I have no one else to talk to.
Jackie what's your favorite color and why
   -Julie no one wants to read this, you look like Kim Possible's computer assistant
What are your expectations on this blog
-You're going to get one continuous anonymous commenter...and it's gonna be you
What's the coolest thing I've ever done
- you? it's gonna happen in the future, it's going to be the day you cancel this blog
Where do you wanna go in life
- I am in my home and you are in it, I would like to stay and for you to move
What's the best grade you've ever gotten
-That is the stupidest thing you've ever said
She has just received a text and her single-track mind cannot handle to do two things at once. So I will give a little background information about Jackie. Growing up with Jackie has been an interesting life. She was always the "cool" sister, because some boys liked her. We weren't friends until about Sophomore year of high school when I got my braces off.
"Where's Joanna?(other sister)" -She is back.
How would you explain to a four-year old why leaves on a tree fall?
-...the same way I would explain it to you
Have you ever done drugs
-clean as a whistle
Do you ever want to punch yourself when you say stuff like that?
-laughs
Now that this interview is coming to an end what would you like your future readers to know?
- I was forced into this interview against my will